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Wednesday, April 26, 2017

A boring topic about life

What is life?  the answer would be " Living things and their activities" that is google answer.

what kind of activities? I think I always do the kind of activities repeatedly everyday. why? Because I have no choice! why no choice?? There are a lot of choices, but if I choose another option, I would lost another things and get a new one and I could not ensure that the current activities that I chose would actually be better than the previous one. That's make me stuck for a having a life of a dead. 

There are many times I almost changed up my mind to choose another path just to change my life. But it seems to be a little of no chances for me to do so. I got not much choices to change my life and what I see is the choices of making my life worse. 

I m a master degree graduated student who end up working in a "construction firm company" as a very normal typical general worker with a professional name called multimedia designer. Most people would tot that my job-scope would be including designing bridge or building, no I m not but I did design bridges and building in my final year project but tat was not for construction use, that is only for 3D animation so i m disqualified. My actual job in this company is more to clerical job, editing video using a very very simple movie maker, design poscard, banner using an online photo editor, sounds like just editing it with a phone apps wasn't it? I have a very simple job but sometimes very annoying too. 

Someone asked me do you love your job? I would said no, yes it is still related to multimedia but not the one that I used to learned and not the one that I expected. Well if I wanna do something that I really want?? I think I should move to Los Angeles, which means my dream career does not exist in my homeland. I m not someone who wanna leave too far away from my homeland, because I have a lot of thought in my mind. I loves travelling to foreign countries but that doesn't means I wanna stay there, I have a lot of fear comes into my mind when thinking about moving to another place which I m not familiar with. 

I m out of topic, it suppose to be life, well if I move out or If I stay but change my career that I don't like, then my life would be stuck at 26.3 never moving forward anymore. If I move out to the foreign country to fulfill my dream career, then career would reach up to 78.3 but life might drop, I can't predict how much it drops. I have too much thought in my mind and sometimes I can't even sleep due to overthinking. I have the hate love feeling of my life. I envy a lot of people I met in my life. I envy them for being brave enough to step out the comfort zone and move out to other country for their dream career, but most of them for the money. I have few friends who end up throw away their degree and pursue a different career which was 0 related to their studies. A lot of them went to foreign country for the sake of money, because of money they throw their life, their wife and their dreams. 

I nearly talk about dreams now but that was the previous topic, I guess I just end it here, I still don't have any ideas about life because I just started to know a little about what life is and still seeking for the right path to the right life that I should walk in. 


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