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Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Please visit my own personal site (B.B.Q)

Please visit my site :

http://benbenq86.weebly.com/

Thank you

* Since the site is still new, it still looks very empty and I still have a lot of photos with me that haven't uploaded into my site. I will share a lot of my life story on my site, many might thought that I ma weird person, why don't I use it for earning money. I've tried to before but I m not really good enough in web design and I admit that I m still newbies, I still need to do lots more research and gain more knowledge before proceeding the next stage. I might consider taking a new course to improve myself and gaining new skills for future use. But before taking any of these actions I need to plan, I need do more research on what should I go for, What is my interest and does something interesting for me helps me in my daily life or interest is just something that doesn't work out. I already thought for a very long time since last year that I would want to find a new job or maybe consider continuing my study for further self-improvement in term of job seeking. I m a naturally slow person and I can't catch up if people guide me in a way that is too fast. But the reality is that nowadays people are moving fast, this is the fast-paced world. If you're not fast enough you will be left behind since I m a naturally slow person I need to gain more knowledge so that I could catch up whenever people start doing it I already know the basic. Ok as I mentioned before I m a naturally slow person, my site would be slow in progress but I promise myself this would be a perfect blogging site in the future. At least I m doing something that favored me. Anyone saw this in tweeter please help me to share my new site and also subscribe and follow me, Thank you

Friday, May 25, 2018

Back home again

In less than a week, I m going back home again, felt super excited because it has been quite a long time I didn't go back home gathering with all my family members. From my heart, I would like to tell my parents that I would like to continue my study but I cannot brace myself to tell them that, I would rather keep it as my own secret store it inside my heart again because the probability for their answer should be no. But if I didn't manage to have a chance to study again, then I would just move on. Or I might just have to find a way to earn side income to support my own education.

All these while I m living alone and no one could be my listener except myself. Every evening went back home with stress all over my mind, I only can listen to music or watch TV to temporary forgot what had happened during the day because I know I have no one to rely on except music and entertainment. Now I start to feel how does it felt when you got all the freedom by staying away from your family members but in the end no one is going to give you courage when you are down because you live all by yourself, alone here. Now I just need to be strong again, I've been through a tough life recently which I couldn't complain of, because as long as you start to complain it would become a joke for others. If possible I really need a time machine to go back to the past and fix all the errors and mistakes that should be fixed. Then the outcome would be super perfect and my future will be super bright. But human never know what happens in the future, I cannot predict because all my prediction would rarely come true, or should I said never comes true, in fact, all going to the opposite direction. Am I wasting too much time in the past? by keep changing my study course while still knowing what I want? Since 2004 I start my diploma and after graduated I work for a while, not even half year I start complaining about working life is tough, 2008 I start to take my degree course, for a sudden I stop and flew to the peninsula to take another course then came back again and continue my degree again.... I really wasted a lot of time, keep studying just to stay away from working life. In the end, I still have to face working life, where people are fake, and not as fun as college life. I really don't know should I take another video graphy course since I've been studying for so long and only worked for 7 years. If I continue to take another course, how many people out there would start to laugh at me? especially my own relatives who love to criticise me for studying so many years. Maybe it was fated, fated for me to keep studying because I m a slow person, I need to study more to gain more knowledge and to be equal to others. I know I m not smart because I have heard this statement " you are slow and less intelligent " since my kindergarten era. So I admit it!

Ahhh I have too many promises to keep for myself but never act, what should I do??? ?? I've so many fear trapped inside me. I cannot burst them out because of heavy traffic inside!!I m stuck so my life is stuck, I don't wanna stuck here forever!!! Please whoever out there, God or angels or anything that could help me please help me solve my problem!!! I wanna eat cheesecake again but why my health avoids me to do so?????  I wanna start all over again by taking new degree course but my age avoids me!!!! I wanna go for traveling again but having not enough $$$ avoids me!!!! I wanna stay young but my wrinkles avoid me!!!! Now I wanna eat KOLOK MEE and the time avoids me!!!!  It is better for me to be excited about going back home issue, yeah another 3 more days I m saying bye bye to meow meow city. 

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Continuing study? Should I at my age right now?

I am rather confused whether should I continue to study, taking another degree course and if I really want to, is it too old for me to do so? I m at the early 30s now, I have wasted quite a few years back for doing nothing, something that is not much related to my study because way back at that time I only think of earning money instead of studying(waste more money) and helping the society at least doing something right to the society.

It has been years I not knowing what I want, everyone have dreams, I do have a dream but it was so unrealistic while I don't even can overcome stage fright, and because I knew that It's not gonna happen so I decided to just to give up and daydreaming about it. Since I m no longer young, I knew that my dream gonna be far away or even already vanished for a long long time. Now I have another dream, and yes this one is much more realistic, it is videography. I tend to love videography after watching a lot of tv series, I love how they capture the video in a very fantastic way, I love how they capture the best angle not only make the environment look better also make all the characters in the movie look so attractive. I have found a lot of apps on my smartphone and the only thing I can practice is by using my own phone because I do not have so many tools for me to do a better video. I started with a short video clip, it wasn't nice because it is too simple, and also most of the downloaded apps only valid for few months, the functions of the apps are limited and after the due date it might need us to purchase it. Also, edited video's quality seems to be reduced and distracted. I personally don't think it worth my money, as to compare to most pc software which generate much better quality and effect but of course with higher cost.

I knew that I m not gonna make my dream comes true again if I keep delaying, So since I knew I m not someone who will take immediate action easily, I m very passive so I decided to continue another course related to videography but I m not sure whether should I do so, I m not confident enough, I m afraid of failure.... I m not young anymore and that makes me stuck for whether should I continuing my study or just stay what I m right now and work. If I continuing my study I might be the oldest student in the class, If I do not, then another dream going to say goodbye. Please let me know if you have any opinion. Thank you


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